Want to get it? Read below.
So you want the amazing Cleo Camp NEVERWORNS Tee in Splash? A shirt that looks like the most clear wave is riding your body? 1-800-Sandals vacation blue? A hue of escapist azure, or maybe the frothiest, most lethal cyanic drink? A shirt that takes the best of the Michael Kors-era Celine spring 2000 rich bitch collection and pumps it into a shirt you can wear every single day? It’s finally here: go to cleocamp.com and use the NEVERWORNS code for 15% off at checkout…and that applies to everything until Sunday night. PS. You can read more about the shirt and Cleo.
What was NEVERWORNS Live! Shopping last night?
Something you could only get on Substack Live last night? The bundles: One shirt was $82, two for $150, and three for $220, and all with free shipping. Tune in next time.
Last night, Cleo and I presented the shirt on different models. Bateau neck side, sultry scoop neck side. It’s reversible, so wear how you want. We held the performance/live sale at David Mallett in the WSA building, which included a drab-to-fab haircut moment courtesy of hair stylist Levi Monarch. I have more on this later, along with fun assets, but I will give you a short rundown.
Neverworns Live! Shopping is like a perverse QVC. I love this show because it provides context for the pieces we are selling. We can talk about inspiration, hue, cut, and show it on real women. Also, I understand not everyone can come to my live events, so this is a way to offer participation from afar.
On the Catbird jewelry!
I have to say the hero of the night was having Catbird’s jewelry with us. This is a shirt that deserves a glint and a glimmer, and Catbird has always delivered that the karat (and carat!) that is desperately needed. So, I took out my signature hoops, popped in their juicy diamonds (recycled!), tore off my engagement ring, and anointed my unmanicured ring finger with their gem. Yes, I took off my ring for this!
Important: There is the paperclip chain “1976” link necklace that I will be buying. Like the Cleo tee, this is another piece that I feel like I’ve been looking for my whole life. Background: There is a necklace that the main girl wears in Groove Armada’s “My Friend” (2001) throughout the music video, and it has a similar link. A few weeks earlier, I brought a blurry photo to a jeweler who couldn’t find the link. Now it exists! And to make it a full circle: the music video was on our moodboard. Perpetual sand-strewn, delightful, tipsy vacation with girls.
Online shopping is pornography…I am changing that
Now, I want to post a part of this piece about how online shopping is pornography and how I want to change it. I accidentally deleted it a few months ago (why?), but here it is again. It was tied to my former Vogue Editor Sale back in June.
I’ve always said that online shopping is to pornography what in-person shopping is to sex. The three-minute click-and-sartorial-stroke session of online shopping siphons moolah and, more importantly, any sense of feel. Yes, you’ll get your dopamine hit when you autofill your shipping address. Sure, tracking the status of your shipment can be vaguely titillating. You might even get an orgasmic rush when you see the FedEx guy pulling up. And then? Nothing. Shopping for even the rarest of Jean Paul Gaultier meshes has become akin to scarfing down a Big Mac.
Whereas online shopping can feel emotionally cheap, in-person shopping is more like a date. The whole act demands that you dress up, at least to some degree. You have to put on underwear. You have to brush your teeth. You have to tie your shoelaces. Online shopping requires none of that. You can be searching for a pair of DKNY platform sandals with fat Jolly Rancher red soles from 1999, all while lying naked in bed on a mound of dirty sheets.
I don’t think online shopping is entirely vacuous, but I do believe we need to ask ourselves why we are browsing and buying. Are we passing the time? Is it stress relief? Nothing will replace people—and even while browsing online, I think a part of us still yearns for a shred of friction that comes with dealing with a human.
After all, we delight in the idiosyncrasies of online shopping platforms. Some eBay descriptions have the rambling run-offs of a Libertarian who lives in their van armed with a metal detector. The hilariously demented styling faux pas on The RealReal chronicled by The WeirdReal are entertaining. There’s also the sassy poetry from the youth of Depop. (Viv Chen of The Molehill did a great job of chronicling the prose of Depop listings.)
These rogue blips in the online shopping-verse break the monotony of a white seamless product shot, a bat signal that there are indeed people behind the LED screen. I examine the human touch of add-to-cart in a piece I wrote about my mom eons ago, a professional eBayer who capitalizes every word of her descriptions. She likes to compare gems to food, like a “cream puff diamond.” When you buy a piece from her, she’ll send you the item meticulously wrapped in tissue paper with a bow on it.
I love the personalities behind the clothes and anything that hints at them from a listing. Right now, I am doing these sales in person, but I also simultaneously livestream them so I can give context to the clothing, whether that be angles, details, or storytelling.
I love meeting everyone who attends NEVERWORNS sales, works them, and watches from afar. Every month, I have at least one person who comes up to me in the city (or tags me on Instagram) and tells me about what they bought from a NEVERWORNS sale—and sometimes, they are wearing the piece as they tell me. On that note, I’m happy you all came to the NEVERWORNS sale. I hope you walked away having learned something about someone else that day.
Watch the full NEVERWORNS Live! Shopping video below…
Thank you to Catbird for the fab jewelry, Conti Communications for hosting us as the amazing David Mallett salon and lending the storied hands of Levi Monarch, Simone Carrillo who knows all-things audio and beyond, our incredible producer Elizabeth Ruckles, saxophonist Jesse Scheinin, our amazing models Imani Randolph, Yona, Priya, Romy, the helping hands of Anya, Danielle, Jane, Ava, and Aisling, and, of course, all of the guests who make this possible! And, duh, Cleo, who made the shirt!
I am obsessed with this campaign!!
Tried to tune in last night from Greenwood Cemetery (outdoor theater event) but the internet was so bad I gave up. Very pleased I was able to snag the shirt just now 🤠